An essay

There are just some feelings you can't describe by words,
you know, like the one after saying, "I love you."
Or even more abstracted, the one after hearing, "I love you, too," as an answer.
In fact what more can you expect from youth?

I want to discuss with my friends what haven't been discussed.
And do things we could do together, forever.

All the same here and there,
we're all in shortage of time.
Like a sinking Titanic.

Keep whining, oh we shouldn't part yet.
We still have got so much to do together,

I tried to remember every little thing we had done,
because I thought nobody else would.
And so I cried a lot about losing them,
and learned to stop crying gradually.

And so I guess, we should move on.
We're all fragile inside.
But we keep being tough all the way.
Keep waiting until the day they're all reviewed.

Another Reflection

I'm left within confusion
born out of misinterpretation.

How can love alone be an ambition?
Don't try to tell me your version.

If I can have a vision,
and get out of this prison,

Then I'd take my very own poison,
which Romeo drank with all his passion.

I once asked the great baron,
what's the purpose of protection?

As I announce my prediction,
a war is just another fashion.

So for whatever my years land on,
sing, and the Christmas Tree's on.

Souls

Hello.
Thank you.

Who?
I am.

Share,
be wary.

Even more,
stop already.

Love has gone,
it has.

Shut up.
Go away.

Happiness,
way off.

Some place,
okay.

Girls, boys,
see you!

My dreams
let me rest.

My mind
does not.

I died,
enjoy.

Desolate

I'm in a negative melancholic mood.
Where everything is wrong.
And nothing is right.

Even love.
But I'll never show it to you,
because of this fine mask I wear,

My tears aren't here to comfort me,
because I've cried for eternity.
I remember.

Now then,
if I can't be saved,
who would ever care about me?

Say

Day by day, sight by sight.
World might love me, or maybe not?

I wonder if things could change in time.
I wonder if time would promise me to change those things.

Keep drawing pictures.
And I start to wonder where would I stuff them?

Shades have become my friends.
Sorrow comes, faith disappears, happiness fades.

But they always come again, circling in both dreams and reality.
I won't love the sunshine as you may do.

But I still survive within my days.
Those which I've grabbed both tightly and loosely.

Maybe I won't have to thrive anymore.
Or maybe I'll have to thrive forever.

Monday Oct 19, 2009, 11:11 PM

Bukan Besok

Bukan besok bukan berarti hari ini
Bukan besok bukan berarti kemarin
Bukan besok belum tentu nanti
Bukan besok belum tentu tadi

Aku menulis bukan untukmu,
melainkan untuk seorang teman.
Ia menghormatiku,
lebih dari aku menghormatimu.

Dunia memang tidak selalu indah,
tapi juga tidak selalu buruk, bukan?
Walaupun kita disini, sekarang berkawan.
Bukanlah tidak mungkin, besok menjadi lawan.

Dan meskipun ini bukan surat,
aku selalu membuat puisi laksana sebuah surat.
Tetapi maknanya berbeda untuk setiap mata,
dan karena itu, kutahu maknanya untukmu.

Maka, jangan mengkhawatirkan cinta,
karena cinta selalu bersamamu.
Jangan pernah takut,
kalau itu memang untuk semua orang.

Kuharap surat ini sampai padamu,
karena memang hanya kamu yang menunggu.
Tak perlu kusebut kapan,
bukan besok, mungkin hari ini.

Maafkan aku apabila surat ini terlalu pendek.

Sadar

Langit membentangkan indahmu
Selalu kupandang dirimu
Tak pernah kulupa tindakanmu
Ku tak rela melepasmu

Lalu kau buang diriku
Kau campakkan cintaku
Aku merenung 'tuk lupakanmu
Apakah itu maumu?

Namun kusadar semua salahku
Memang kau lakukan itu untukku
Terima kasih, telah menyadarkanku.
Cintaku yang hilang dan berlalu.

Putus Asa

Kulihat mereka berusaha
mengejar mimpi, menggapai asa
bukan surga bukan neraka
tapi hidup di dunia

Biarlah aku lalai,
Yang kucari bukan nilai
Walau jadi ilmuwan tak sampai
Untung kubelum jadi keledai

Dan maafkanlah egoku
Mungkin aku takkan laku
Dalam seni akupun kaku
Namun ingatlah usahaku

Prophecy III

And so it rains again,
as I just remember my last visit to Hell.

There was an incident I read,
and that just explains all.

Time is just an illusion,
and we are physically trapped within.

So I learned,
I lack the ability to calculate these scales.

The scales of time,
which differ in every dimension.

And I know,
As I watch over it,
I can assure that I'm not what the prophecies tell.
Because I feel the occurrence.

She told me, it has happened.
while for me, it is just about to happen.

Doa, Dimension Wanderer

Prophecy II

I only record what you can predict.
But know, this isn't one.

We can't stop what's already done.
But there lies the unpredictable one.

If all prophecies were to be true,
then this would be the last one.

And I won't know what else to write,
because he's the one to decide.

Know this fact,
that God has chosen him to repair worlds
or to destroy them completely,
I can't precisely say.

So here I end my prophecies.

Farghaun, Hierophant of Totemor

Prophecy I

But not every prophecy comes forth,
my blood and soul knows.
The time will perish,
and we'll still have to waste it.

A warrior will come,
no, none of us.
But know, how shameful you are.
how restless the truth twirls.

I can't predict more than what has to be.
One legend will speak.
Open your eyes,
this is not a war.

Forget your eyes of hatred.
The warrior thrives,
along with the banished love.
Repair our world, they would.

Queen Izela IV of Tla'rsyc

Need

The fact that I didn't know anything,
doesn't help me get out of trouble.

And I hate this world,
as I hate myself, too.

I discovered that even if I die,
be a problem it would not.

I don't really care about this world.
It was a place too far from me.

But see clearly anyway,
it was so unlikely to die, was it not?

I wanted to stop time,
I never could.

And I think I'm just not ready for now.
Experience is all I need.

But it'll come to an end someday.
So shouldn't it bother you?

Unclear

I shouldn't wish,
but I keep wishing.

Between my anger and sorrow,
I stand strong.

Time may perish,
but I shall not regret.

Everything, have probably been.
Unclear, this is.

Now you know my soul,
you don't.

Unrelated

I love this civilization.
Though it's tough,

and probably broken down.
I don't really mind.

I want to live forever,
as I want to stop living.

You wish for the same too.
Don't you?

I always finish my games.
On a second thought, not really.

My life seems short or so.
But isn't it long actually?

I intend to love you,
but more than that, love.

Now that I'm done with it.
I can clearly find it.

Love, wasn't it?
It maybe was.

Message from the Night

And what on earth have brought you here again, Gabriel?
Sleep, wither, and die.

As simple as it was.
We don't need you anymore.
We'll ask you to leave immediately.

However, we're sorry that we can't help you solve anything.
We're just another matter of time.
Stuck in this gap between sunshine.

You might like us,
but we don't like you.
So it's just about waiting,
until you can't bring yourself here anymore.

And we will do anything to stop you from coming here.
By corrupting your lifetime,
disabling your senses
in a slightly unmeasured frequency.

As maybe you have understood well, farewell.
Let's meet no more.
Get a good life under the sun.

Saturday, January 30, 2010 at 1:03am

A Message

Tell me, if my love is true.
Cause I'll never know it.

Tell me when life sucks.
So I can really know it.

Tell me your feelings.
And I think I'd hear it.

If it's impossible for me,
then, is it for you?

I desired to change,
if it wasn't impossible.

Tomorrow is short,
Today is even more.

I know I've missed you.
I know I'll miss you.

But I'm too afraid now.
Knowing what I knew I couldn't be.

Tell me what I can be.
Cause I couldn't be it.

Tell me what I should do.
Cause I shouldn't have done it.

Tell me when you want to.
Cause I've always been waiting here.

Tell me if eternity is not enough.
Cause I'll just have to go on for a longer time.

Then tell me goodbye.
Cause I'll see you again someday.

Sunday, May 2, 2010 at 2:36am

If not in the past, I hope we'll meet again.

Far beyond my reach, she is waiting for love.

If it's not so far, why am I not with you?

I wonder sometimes, why can't I just reach you?

Somewhere I don't know, that I won't even ask.

Knowing you're not here, I can wish nothing more.

Let it be like that, but I can't let you be.

I want to see you, even just in my dreams.

But you can't see me, and you will never do.

Wherever you go, I'll probably miss you.

Though I don't know you, why can't I fall for you?

Want to see you someday, though it can't be today.

And if you love me, I'm not there after all.

So let it be here, I am waiting for love.

Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 12:59am

Chill

I am never chilled.
Even though it's cold.

And you're never here.
Still, I can't chill.

Your warmth.
My mind.

Brainwashing,
that rain was.

I loved you,
I always did.

The proof,
that rain was.

It's clear now,
what I am for you.

A villain,
not a hero.

You hated me,
you still do.

Sorry,
I knew that.

When you hit me,
it was clear.

In the rain,
I've lost you.

Anymore

Changes, change.
Home is not home anymore.

Comes love, comes hate.
Choose, don't choose.

Memories stopped.
Bonds broke.

I hate time.
And time never stops.

Review

I'm relieved anyway,
the world is too interesting.

Play something, do something.
Love or hate someone.

Believe me, time is too slow.
Although you always think it's too fast.

Waste it, thoughtfully.
You don't need time.

Or probably, you only need it after all.

Be desperately cherishing it,
or not.

Past could be an experience.
Future could be an experiment.

Everything goes wrong, everything goes right.
Do we need any examples?

Not at all.
Review.

Review.
Isn't it?

I Wonder

Well, try to give up.
Heaven doesn't give you heaven.
Yeah, not even once.

Do I, if keeping on fighting, deserve more than what have been?
Of course, it's probably just my thoughts.

I'll refrain from thinking.

Live like nothing else could live.
Or probably just go with the usual life.
Very interesting, love is.
Even endless, yet pointless emotions could not withstand it.

Yet too tempting to be ignored.
On the other hand, a burden to be attended.
Understand love can you?

Joy

I understand now,
I really understand it,
or I just probably feel that I understand.

Science of this,
that of that,
every life has it.

That I'll probably miss you,
I'll probably regret it,
but it's just another joy I've found.

And I'll probably regret it,
again and again.
Cause it'll be just another joy again.

I'm confused, girl.
I'll probably be alone,
or I'll probably be with you.

But it never matters,
doesn't it?
Love doesn't hate.

I'll probably regret it,
but I just love it.
So, let's just let it be.

Till we meet again.

Her Smile

I haven't met her again since then,
so how could I saw her smile?

Dreams could be just dreams,
past could be just past.

Maybe the time could not hear me,
I just wanted to see her smile once again.

But, I'm still growing up.
That's how love still binds me.

If only I could be mature enough,
maybe I won't be needing you.

Then, I saw her, smiling at me anyway.
But now I know, it was just an illusion, wasn't it?

Side

I used to enjoy many things,
I'll enjoy many other things, too.

But now, I guess it's all plain and tasteless.
Enjoyable, yet senseless.

Guessing love is almost good,
while seeing it is about the same.

Shall I take my leave, I'd remember.
Cause you're the one for my December.

Now, I guess I'll keep the scar for a while.
For commemoration and honor.

Let myself hide,
to stay by your side.

Past

Then, play no more.
I guess I'm busy.
I'm going to be busy.
I am busy.

I won't be able to testify these sentences.
Why? Nobody cares, man.
What the world is busy?
I'm not busy.

I'm just doing,
and doing it.
Never stops.
Until it drops.

The sun won't shine for me.
Cause I'm not awake.
Darkness waits,
but not for a really long time.

Staring at you,
nothing much.
I'm still busy.
Within.

Your smile,
wasn't it mine?
It wasn't.
I thought it was.

Even if it was.
It is not.
I can't grasp it.
Nor can I hold it.

Am I free?
I doubt it.
But I don't really care that much.
Either way is fine.

You came when I couldn't.
I came when you didn't.
Took a long time for me,
to understand just this.

Paths are different,
there's no point of changing them.
So, I don't really care that much.
To lose what I've got.